Tuesday, October 31, 2017


S P I R I T U A L   S M A C K  |   O N  F R I E N D S H I P S
On how to notice when friendships no longer serve us, pack our emotional baggage, & kindly depart . . . 

s tough as it is to face, there is more than likely someone in your life who is not serving you. Often, the offender is a romantic partner. Sometimes, frankly both parties are offenders in an incompatible relationship. This can be due to a multitude of reasons, with communication being the primary one. How many times in a relationship have you felt unheard or were not listening attentively? How about your or your partner's passive aggressive reaction that can too often replace clear, honest relation of  emotions &  viewpoint of an issue-at-hand? These are only a few of the questions to comb through in straightening out detangled relationships.

The same also applies to friendships, which can be as emotionally-charged as romantic partnerships. We move in and out of romantic relationships, speak openly about the travails of our break-ups, and hopefully grow in effect. Why do we keep mum or remain stagnant in comparison with our friendships? We face many transitions starting from our late teens to twenties, moving from high school to college to jobs. These new environments bring new new people into our lives. We shift and change as people in result. Friends we might have connected with previously might no longer be in alignment with the person we have grown into over the years. It's ok.
We shift & change as people throughout our lives. Friends we might have connected with previously might no longer be in alignment with the person we have grown into over the years.

It's not our fault that we don't shed as serious of a light in analysing the impact our friendships have on us versus romantic partnerships. Think about the portrayal of friendships, specifically female ones, over the years in media. Take the intricate friendship of Abbi & Ilana in Broad City in comparison to other popular female-oriented sitcoms as an example. Almost all shows centered around women have the over-arching plot focusing on men. Even when the friendships are intricate, such as those in Sex and the City, it's still the clichéd narrative of the women seeing themselves and hearing each other's narratives through their lives with men. It is called Sex and the City after all. Broad City, on the other hand is radical in that its plot revolves around the female friendship alone, something that is often times the only functioning aspect of Abbi & Ilana's lives. 

 In a life where we're often atomic—functioning at a base level where our energy levels are only sufficient to make our world revolve around only us—how can we expand? When we feel so depleted we can't seem to even attend to ourselves or feel as if we're out-of-function, it's our certainly family but also friends that are often the dependents in our lives. Yet, when we have toxic friends or ones who no longer serve us in our lives, we can feel drained even further. 

So, this week let's take a closer look at our friendships. For the ones who we know recharge us even from afar, when was the last time you checked-in? Call him, her, or them. Don't let them be fleeting thoughts or to-do's that you never check off the list, like that Apple software update that you always ask to be reminded of tomorrow . . . for weeks. For the ones with whom you lost touch, are they worth rekindling & how do they light your fire—to burn you down or shoot you upwards? If they're ones to let go of, how will you let go of your attachments to what the friendship used to be & even who you were at the time. 

I have a meditation in my upcoming book (Spring 2018) focusing on releasing the energetic ties from people who no longer serve, which you can pre-order
here or here.