But How: Communicating Effectively
About the “But How” Series
Every day, we are inundated with a plethora of lofty, spiritual quotes online. “Vibrate higher,” they say. "Let go of your doubts." "Trust your intuition." But How?! This series was created by energetic intuitive and coach Lenéa Sims as a way to make the metaphysical physical so you can real-ize your dreams. Using a mix of creative exercises and simple energy work, this series will make your spiritual ideals actionable in your everyday life.
Communication is the key to all relationships – intimate, with self, and even with strangers. People are constantly telling us to speak our minds, ask for what we want, express how we feel.
But how do we communicate our truths in a way that can actually be heard and received? How do we get over the fear, anxiety, stress, or inadequacy we may feel when we need to be vulnerable in our communication? And how do we get our message across effectively when we feel upset, angry, or sad?
The key? Aligning ourselves with openness and joy so that we send our message out to which yield an equal energetic return.
Let’s First Reflect
Think about a moment that you communicated out of pure reaction because someone’s actions triggered you. You were upset, hurt, angry, or frustrated and your words reflected your feeling. Perhaps even hangry. How did the other person respond? Were they immediately empathetic or did they become defensive? Did they yell back at you? How long did it take to get them to come around and see your point of view?
If the situation was anything like the ones I’ve faced, it took quite some time before you calmed down and, only at this point, did the other person begin to receive what you were saying.
Now consider another scenario in which you waited to bring something that triggered you to a friend’s attention. Instead of reacting in the moment, you gave it a few minutes, hours, or even days then let it come up calmly and reflectively in conversation. Maybe you even said it in a jovial tone and threw in some points about where you think the other person may have been coming from. You got your point across clearly and you felt good while doing it. How did your friend react in this scenario? Chances are they were much more understanding, calm, and receptive.
We can more effectively convince others of our point when we approach them calmly because they can feel our energy and so do we as we consider their perspective. And who wouldn’t rather align with a vibration of joy and understanding than anger or upset?
Luckily, we can do simple exercises to get us aligned with a place of calm, openness, and even joy before we engage in communication.
Diffuse the trigger:
When we feel triggered by someone else’s actions, we go immediately into anxiety mode. We become angry, irritable, upset, anxious, and highly emotional. This is a physical response and can be minimized by a very simple exercise that brings the blood back into your forebrain so that your body comes out of the flight-or-fight response and can more objectively process your emotions.
The next time you feel triggered by something someone says or does: Lightly place your fingertips on the protrusions of your forehead, between your eyebrows and hairline. Your thumbs should be on your temples. Breathe deeply while holding the points for two minutes.
2. Fake it til you make it:
It can feel ridiculous, but faking a smile in an uncomfortable moment can make all of the difference on your mood and your day. Practice this right now while you aren’t upset and see what an effect it has on you. Now think of how powerful it would be before you confront someone!
3. Wayne Cook Posture
Named for the energy pioneer who invented this pose, the Wayne Cook Posture is an energy exercise I do every morning upon waking. It helps you to process stress hormones so that you can see more clearly, reduce your overwhelm, and communicate from a centered place. It’s a great tool to use before a big meeting or if you have to talk to someone who often has trouble understanding your point of view.
To do it:
Sit on the edge of your bed or a chair. Place your right ankle on your left knee. Hold your right ankle with your right hand. Place your left hand on the bottom of your right foot so that your arms are crossed.
Now, breathe deeply while pushing your heart forward. Release while curving your back like a cat. Repeat 5 times and switch sides.
When you’ve completed both sides, place both feet on the floor. Hold your hands in frot of your face, fingers spread, palms facing each other. Touch your fingertips together and move your hands as a unit upwards so that your thumbs are on your third eye. Take one last deep breath here and, on the exhale, drag your fingertips across your forehead towards your ears.
About the Author
Lenéa Sims is an energy worker, coach, and artist born, bred and living in Los Angeles. After reading one too many inspirational quotes, she decided there had to be a way to make metaphysical platitudes into physical realities. So, she developed a technique of simple energetic and creative exercises to help people enhance their energy and make real what they desire. Her work centers primarily upon joy, creativity, and empowering people to become their own healers. She has written and spoken about it all over including at SXSW 2018. Get more energy tips or book a session with Lenéa here.