Why You So Obsessed With Me: Fixating on My Post-Grad Future
About the series: “Why You So Obsessed with Me”
We all have our obsessions — that T.V. show we can’t seem to stop rewatching, that ex that still lingers in our minds even after blocking them, that fixation on a certain musician that we would do anything (anything!) for. Some are juvenile interests that make our lives more entertaining, while others can slide into dangerous territory (like that ex, for example). And when the word “obsession” gets paired with any marginalized identity, the term has an even more negative connotation — think LGBTQ+-centric fandoms or “feminine” interests. At Camp Thirlby, we want to explore these obsessions and deconstruct the concept to be a potentially liberating one, which is where our series “Why You So Obsessed with Me” comes in. To the tune of Mariah Carey’s song, our Camp Counselors have delved into their various obsessions even more to unpack what they might mean for their lives and identities, entailing movie they can’t stop watching or their fixation with the scary, scary future. Whether it’s a method for them to grow into their obsessions or decide to leave them, these memoirs act as a shrine to the things we love, and maybe love too much.
If you’re a senior, you know that possibly the worst question someone could have asked you in the last six months is: “What are your plans for after graduation?”
The dreaded inquiry often comes from a good place, whether it’s wanting to give career advice, congratulating you on a confirmed placement, or offering platitudes about persistence. In some ways, it can feel like leaving college and graduating has become the most interesting thing about you, despite the fact that you’re about to complete four years of hard work that you want to be recognized for.
Post-grad plans are more than just your career; they can represent a culmination of your past and a premonition of your future. Your earning potential, your career progression, your friendships, your relationships, your living situation, your educational future, and so on are all, in theory, on the line. If you’re anything like me, your head is constantly teeming with questions like:
Where will I live and who will I live with?
Will my salary allow me to exist how I want to?
Do I need to move back home?
Will this position set me up for my career path?
Will I get into my dream grad school?
Can I afford grad school?
What will happen to my relationships?
How will I keep in touch with friends moving across the country?
These questions are all within reason to obsess over — you’re about to dive in the deep end of a completely new way of living, so of course you’re going to hesitate on the diving board and have some questions before jumping in. If you’re looking for a job (like me), it makes sense to be overwhelmed with the idea that the educational environment we’ve been immersed in since our toddler days is being taken away. Even if you’re entering grad school or continuing in academia, school as you’ve known it will fade away.
I understand, of course, that obsessing isn’t always a good thing. There are times when fixating on your life after college isn’t productive or is even self-destructive and stress-inducing. Obsessing through staying up all night prepping for a grad school interview or sending 500 job applications is maybe not the best tactic. But obsessing can also be good in making you prepared, focused, and strategic. For all the folks who can’t help but work hard, there’s something to be said for focusing full force.
For me, obsession with post-grad life is a means of control. I’ve been told before that I am someone who micromanages, someone who overdoes things, someone who’s a mega-planner, and someone who worries a little too much (or, in other words, a Capricorn). And maybe I am all of those things — but is that bad? I’m entitled to my “obsession” with post-grad life, just as you’re entitled to take it easy. In my life, I find it important to maintain a sense of control (even if I don’t really have it). Some folks like to relinquish their future to someone else’s control — to put in work and let the chips fall.
But I’ve been working on not judging myself for my obsession. In reality, it’s not a bad thing, it just depends on if it’s good for you as an individual. I like the feeling of opening my color-coded job search spreadsheet or getting the email notification that a job application has been submitted successfully. I like wondering about where I’ll land an interview, and what city I might end up in. I like thinking about who I will become, and who I want to become. These things aren’t obsession in the teeth-biting, bags under your eyes sense of the word. They are passion, meaning, and a genuine investment in myself.
It’s worth being said, though, that the choice to obsess or not is a circumstance of privilege. The world of higher education is not equitable, and the graduate education system and job market are in no way any more just. Though people may tell you otherwise, your worth is not determined by productivity and the legitimacy of your plans post-graduation. Thinking about the future right now is exhausting and can lead to serious burnout, and it is in no way a requirement to set yourself up to be a successful person.
It’s also not your responsibility to take in all the stress of post-grad planning and then not exude some of that stress out. Obsession doesn’t have to mean total consumption, and when your external world seems fixated on your future, it makes sense that you might be, too. In this stress though, it’s important to remember that caring about your future is powerful; it gives you agency in a time when it feels like nothing is in your control.
Obviously, things are a little different now — in candor, I pitched this piece before my classes moved online, my commencement became virtual, the remainder of my senior year was dismantled, and U.S. cities began to shut down and the world seemed to be closing in by the minute. But my message still stands. The future is, of course, uncertain in many more ways than before. Obsessing about uncertainty is not only understandable, but could be a productive way to work through the circumstances, especially if you’re a planner like me. For others, avoidance and distraction may work better.
All I can say is trying to let go of some of that focus is okay right now. You may have worked hard, but these unprecedented circumstances do not require you to rise above them and prevail as normal. We should all allow ourselves the space to obsess over whatever we need to right now, whether it’s an obsession with a newly binged TV show, obsession with your future beyond isolation, or obsession with your own well being, something we should all prioritize.
About the Author
Elena Phethean (she/her/hers) is a junior from Pleasantville, NY studying Women’s, Gender & Sexuality Studies and Community Health at Tufts University. There, she is the co-coordinator of Tufts Sex Health Reps, a student group bringing comprehensive and inclusive sexuality education and sexual assault prevention to campus. She also loves music and sings with her a cappella group, the Tufts Jackson Jills. As a queer woman, she is especially passionate about women’s/gender minority health and queer sexual health outcomes, as well as working with survivors.
